This tea mixture is amazing: Zingiber Ginger Coconut+Blueberry Bliss+Pineapple Kona Pop.
So I haven’t been posting here and there are a lot of reasons why, but I’ll go into them as I see fit.
Things I want to focus on.
This fucking wedding is fucking happening in 3 weeks. I haven’t lost any weight. In fact, I am at my heaviest, but that’s not bothering me as much as the stress that I’ve had to endure that drives me into the arms of Shamrock Shakes. I’m ready for this thing to be fucking over.
My other cousin just got engaged. Oh joy. Do I care? No.
I’m not staying in this place long enough to be very upset with future events to come. I have such a sense of relief inside of me knowing that I have very very structured plans in place to get me out of here. I know there were a few bumps along the way. Not everything can happen as quickly as I would like, but I’m taking things into my own hands now and fuck that is both terrifying and empowering all at once.
I’m not looking forward to goodbyes. I don’t have a lot of people that I genuinely will miss. That sounds heartless and cold, but people disappoint and upset me too much.
I’m changing my hair Friday.
And I’ll be able to get some long awaited piercings after this wedding. Yes.Yes.Yes.Yes.
I cannot wait to be reunited with my fur family and my partner. I’m feeling extreme joy at this moment. I’m worried about it going away, but I’m trying to hold onto it now for as long as possible.
So, um… this is really good
I think I just wrote my shittiest paper. I’m fairly impressed that I was actually able to write 8 pages in 4.5 hours. It barely meets the page requirements. I’m uncertain if I even made my point. I ended up breaking shit into more paragraphs to extend the length.
I’m all out of excuses. I didn’t want to cry for another extension especially when I pretty much work everyday now and there’s no time to be found to fix something I’ve fucked up. I did it. It’s handed in. I unintentionally sent in the wrong file and realized 13 minutes after the due date, but I’m hopeful that my professor will understand that part. Perhaps she’ll be less forgiving when she reads the piece of shit though.
I essentially have the flu right now. I’m not sure if it’s an actual flu or just something that my body dreamed up for me because it hates me.
Two weeks ago my acupuncturist asked me if I remembered what my body felt like before I was about to menstruate.
I told him that it’s been so long and I really don’t remember what it’s like.
Cut to Tuesday morning at 6:00 as I’m woken from my dead sleep because my abdomen is convulsing. I thought I had held in my pee for too long and had a massive UTI, but going to the bathroom didn’t help. I thought maybe I needed to throw up, but nothing came. I sat and crawled a bit in agony barely able to stand up or lay down. This lasted for at least 30 minutes. Nothing I did fixed the pain. I didn’t know what was happening to me and thought it was something I had eaten, but it wasn’t. I remembered feeling like this before, but it was so out of reach and long ago.
Cut to a 12 year old me leaving swim practice early in nonstop pain brought on by PMS. Onlookers told my mom that she should take me to the hospital, but I never went.
This is how my body bleeds. I’m dependent on a heat pad. I’m in a feverish delirium.
I’m graduating in a week and now I can add shitty research paper writer to the list of things that I am capable of.
My boyfriend is looking at me crazy because I suggested he drive me to Sonic for drinks before work and then pick me up from work so we can hit up Sonic again.
He also reminded me that I’m working near a Sonic tomorrow too.
Looks like I’m having drinks tomorrow too!
Get sick. Leave for vacation hours late. Need to buy new shoes because my feet got cut up. Need new pants too—no pants fit. Are we having fun yet?
I think I would maybe understand the Queenie thing if she were a witch living in an older time because based on the readings I’ve done it was common for witches to be involved in rituals with animals. However, I’m pretty sure Ryan Murphy is just going for shock value and doesn’t have Ben Harmon to cry whilst masturbating anymore.
The first episode reminded me of the movie Teeth and not in a good way.
Since death really never signifies the character leaving the show I’m pretty sure Madison isn’t gone for good.
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